I realized that somewhere in my recent journeys that I have hit a barricade... a hard, brick, stressful barricade. I just don't know what to do with myself. I have no plan. I want a plan. I want structure. Right now I'm working a job that is dreadfully boring, I don't see much of friends and I'm paying almost fifty bucks a month for Curves and it not helping at all.
I really enjoyed working at the florist when I first started because it was a nice change of pace from working at Walmart. The florist allowed me to relax in a stress free environment, where I have minimal tasks and minimal customers. But now, almost 3 months later I am ready to start pulling my hair out. I spend my days on a crappy laptop that runs extremely slow because the hard drive is shot and reading books upon books upon books. I usually see a handful or less of customers a day and the phone barely rings. I do enjoy creating floral arrangements and I love my boss but the job itself makes you feel like someone has taped your eyes open for 5 days straight. Even though I hate doing this to my boss, I am looking for work elsewhere...i wish I had the guts to tell her. I just need something that's not so quiet.
Since graduation 2 years ago I have lost touch with many of my friends, not to say that I had much to start with. I only have a couple people that I still am able to call friends rather than just acquaintances. There's my bestest bud Kaitlyn, we've been the best of friends since the seventh grade and I hope that we never part ways. I love her like a sister and truly wish I could see her more often rather than just having conversations through texts. Then there's Candace, friends since the 10th grade. I think I see her more than anybody. We have a buttload in common and our boyfriends are good friends but she has all of her many friends from University and sometimes I feel like an afterthought. And there's Curtis. We've known each other since nursery school and were reunited in the fifth grade. Curtis is a great entertainer but I really don't see much of him. I also have my broadcasting buddies Nikki & Patrick, they have the courtesy to keep in contact ever so often but when it comes to planning a gathering of the three it always gets left in my hands. The distance between the three of us me being in Selkirk, Nikki in Winnipeg and Patrick in Brandon also proves to make things more difficult. Sometimes I feel a little neglected because I almost always have to make the plans to see any of them. I'll always have my boyfriend Adam though. I love him to pieces and plan on staying with him forever but sometimes you need someone else to share your thoughts with that doesn't have to listen to you every day. Probably right now I'm sounding a lotta bit selfish and a little bit weird but I guess that's just me.
Oh and then there's Curves. When I started going this past January I thought that it was going to be great. I thought I could get in shape and maybe lose a little weight, tone up, you know that kind of thing. The first couple months did help me get in shape but since January I have not lost a single pound and very few inches. Since January I've actually gained a buttload of weight. Like not enough weight to make me overweight or anything but enough to make me gain almost 15 pounds in 5 months. I have no drive to go there anymore. It's just wasting my money and giving me no results. I thought that it would give me more energy but of anything it has been giving me less. Before next payment day I am so out of there. The rotten thing though is that I'm going to have to pay fifty bucks to quit just because I didn't live out my year membership. Probably lots of people tough the rest of the year out because of that stupid clause.
I'm a broadcasting graduate and haven't worked in the industry for almost a year. No one will hire me because I don't have enough experience. It's ridiculous, you can't get a job without experience and you can't get experience without a job. There's way too many politics in the industry and I have stabbed myself in the back way too many times. I guess honesty is not a quality broadcasters should possess. It's probably partially my fault that I don't have a job in the industry though because I'm not willing to move away. But the thing is I love Manitoba and I love the Interlake and Winnipeg region. Almost my entire family is here and my friends, so why would I drop all of it just because broadcasters are too picky to even give me a chance. I almost regret going into broadcasting. Don't get me wrong, I love it but no one wants me. Some days I wonder if I would have gone elsewhere other than CHVN for my practicum, maybe I would have a job right now but no they made promises of keeping me and then with 2 weeks left of the summer i find them kicking me out the door with not even a decent demo.
It's a wacky world and I wish things would sort themselves out for me so I could continue my journey with a little stability. And then maybe i could wake up from this nightmare.
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