Cancellations...There is no way to avoid them but I really wish I could. Lately it seems that everybody is making their favorite thing to do cancelling plans with me. Oh, and it's never with plenty of time to make new plans; it's always the day before or the day of so everybody that you could make plans with is already all booked up. I don't mind if when people cancel there is a valid reason or they at least give me plenty of time but last minute with a crappy reason kind of sucks! Well it sucks big time! The plans that get cancelled are usually the ones that I have been looking forward to since the day we made them and then you get that call or text or Facebook message and you're crushed! When the same type of cancellations happen over and over again you can't help but think, "Is there something wrong with me?"
That brings me to my next stage. If you have been around me in the past weeks, months or even years you will notice my negative outlook on everything. People go through phases and negativity apparently has become one of mine. If you knew me through a good part of high school you would remember the positive, happy-go-lucky side of me. Post high school the positivity seemed to have died out a little. I don't know if it's because of the culture shock of entering "the real world" or what but unfortunately it's happened. I've somehow managed to pile the good stuff up in the back of a closet where I seem to have forgotten about it; while I stacked up the bad stuff right beside me and dwell on it like crazy. I've decided it's time for a change. The good stuff is going to come out of the closet and the crap is going to get buried away where I don't need to think of it. Even though my jobs sucks and making new friends is harder than I thought it would be I'm going to plow through and find the positive side of things. I am going to strive to be more impulsive(I've been trying to think of that word for days, mighty happy I finally remembered it); do things out of the ordinary; stop putting overly large amounts of thought into things! If someone cancels on me with short notice and a crappy excuse I will find something that makes me happy, even if it's just staying home and baking cookies! It's the whole when life serves you lemons make lemonade! The process has already began. It started off small with going to the Morris Stampede and getting my palms read. Amazingly the palm reader opened my eyes for me and pulled up the negativity veil for me even if it was just a little bit. I would never have done that before but part of me said be impulsive! Many have noticed in my life that death is something that brings me down. Well it brings everybody down generally but starting last year I suddenly had to deal with lots of it. I am finally starting to be comfortable with death or at least I think I am. My grandparents death, for example, was a crushing experience but you have to think of the good points. Yeah they're not physically on earth anymore but the memories I hold will live on until the end of time. Grandma and grandpa are feeling no pain now and I can remember all the good times and cherish them always. If you look past tragedy you will always see a light even if it's the faintest glow. Last week I attended my step grandfather's funeral. I wasn't close to him but the funeral seemed to get the whole accepting death ball rolling. We can't stop death. There's something bigger than us out there that has planned all of life's events out and death just happens to be the end of the physical plan. On my way home that day I decided to take a detour and go through the small town/village/ whatever it is of Cooks Creek. I had never been there but figured why not. When driving through I was very surprised to see this exquisite church appear before my eyes. I believe it was an Ukrainian Catholic church. This incredible building and yard stood before me surrounded in chain link. Everything was stunning. I'm telling you that this was not something you would expect to find on a Manitoba countryside. Just looking at it made you feel at peace. The amazing calm that came over me felt like something you could only see in movies. Maybe seeing this church was my light in the after effects of my step grandfather's death.
I want to see the light on the other side of the darkness. I want to strive for the positive side of things. I want to become who I was and who I am yet to be. I know with a little effort and a little impulsiveness I can do these things and will do these things. Let's see the brighter side of life!
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