This has been a weird year in more ways the one. Thinking back over these last 11 months, I have realized that this has been the year where I've tried to reinvent myself. I've searched my soul and tried to answer questions while creating new ones. The main topics I have dived into are relationships, religion, employment and where in the world am I going with my life.
Relationships: I have many relationships in my life. There are friends, family, boyfriend, and of course the many acquaintances. When it comes to friends, I don't really have many true blue love you forever friends. From school I have only been left with around three people who I still consider good friends. Since high school I have developed friendships but it's hard. You either have to meet people through people(which sometimes you feel like you are stealing their friends), meet people at church(which I will dive into more in the religion section of this blog) or meet people at work(which the friendships sometime end when you leave that job). As for certain friendships I know that I have been truly blessed to have a few individuals in my life. I am blessed to have my best friend Kaitlyn in my life. Next Fall marks TEN years of being best friends. It's crazy to think it's been that long. She has stuck with me through thick and thin. I can talk to her about anything and am very grateful to have such a great friend. I am also blessed to have Kristen. We battled through so many things together; we don't call ourselves the River's Edge rebels for nothing! Our adventures are stacking up and it's wonderful to have someone like that in my life. Family relationships come in many shapes in forms. Some good, some bad, some ugly. Being a child of divorce the size of my family has grown to be rather large. I have a wonderful relationship with my Mom. She has been my rock throughout my life. She has always been encouraging and there for me. Don't get me wrong she was a disciplinarian and I never got away with anything but she has taken care me to the highest extent. When it comes to my relationship with my brother things have been good, bad AND ugly. My Dad things have been disappointing. You watch TV and see everyone with their amazing father-daughter relationships. I've never really had much of that with my Dad. When I was younger and spent the weekends at my dad's place he would spend most of the weekend in his carpentry shop. When he married my step mom he spent the weekend watching sports on TV or should I say falling asleep to sports on the TV. I only have a few things in common with my dad. We go to Goldeyes games, to the drag races, car shows and we also like some of the same music(oldies of course). There has never been much to talk to my Dad about. In the last few years my father has become very disapproving of the way I live my life. Some days it seems like in his eyes all I am is one big fat sinner. I dream of having one of those TV worthy father-daughter relationships but I have doubts that that time will ever come. My step mother is also on the same train as my Dad when it comes to thinking that I am a big fat sinner. Sometimes I believe that she's the one who has influenced my Dad's thinking on that topic. When it comes to my relationship with my Dad and step mom you can sum it up in one word...fake! My step siblings and extended family(step and real) I get along with great but rarely see any of them with the exception of holidays. On my Dad's side of the family there is a lot of judgement about how I live but at least they have the decency to keep it to themselves. I have a wonderful boyfriend; we've been together for almost 4 years. It's crazy to think that someone has stuck with me for this long. We have a wonderful relationship. We've bought a house, have pets and have learned each other's quirky ways. With all of these different relationships I am determined to develop deeper bonds or make deep bonds stronger. Relationships are so important and even if you sever a tie that relationship is not over it's just changed.
Religion: To many people religion is a taboo subject, cause for discussion or something graciously shared. It has been a weird part to my life. Over this last year I have dug deep and started asking questions. I think question asking has come with the judgements I have received. Between my father and the church I apparently do everything wrong. My Dad and step Mom believe that Adam and I are living in sin because we're not married and that I am not going anywhere with my life because I'm not following God's rules. I stopped going to church last Spring because I was sick of people judging me for my living situation. It's no wonder so many people run from religion when so many people judge you to your core instead of accepting you for who you are. I still have a relationship with God but I also have a lot of questions and realizations. From talking with friends we have discovered many things. If you look at the different religions of the world you will realize that all religions are based around one major figurehead. In my mind every religion is basically the same, it's just executed differently. Another major question has to do with the accuracy of the Bible. The Bible has been translated so many times that how would we know what we are reading is correct. Just this past Monday I noticed the differences between versions. I decided to go to my Life group(from church) that I had also stopped attending last spring and while doing our session we had read a passage from the Bible and every one's Bible seemed to have the passage worded differently. Normally this wouldn't be a big deal but the words used in the different versions made you look at the passage differently each time. Which one do you believe? I embrace Christianity but I still have the right to question it, don't I?
Employment: As an adult we for the most part need to be employed but it's such a cause for stress. I won't go into this section as much since I already have pretty much exhausted it in my past blogs. But here's the update on my situation. Still at BOMImed, still hating it, still sticking it out. I'm looking hard to find something better but am not finding much. I'm giving it to New Years. If I find nothing by then, there's a good chance I may negotiate my way back into WalMart(not the Photo Lab of course).
Where am I going with my life? The answer is I really don't know. I have turned a different leaf by embracing stuff and becoming a more positive, outgoing person but I still don't know what there is to do.
Other oddities of this year: The weather has been a main oddity for this year. Our summer was mainly rainy with punches of hot days and then the somber cool days. This Fall has been abnormally warm. It's freakin' November and there's not a single lick of snow on the ground.
Other things to note: The death toll for family and friends has been way down from last year; thank goodness! I must say that two funerals is way better than the 4plus that I went to last year. Still missing my grandparents though.
I minorly picked up sports. Played softball; sort of. I don't think my team liked me much though; most likely because I sucked. But that's there fault for not holding practices.
Next year is only six weeks away. I think I still have more discovering to do this year and am excited to see what 2010 brings. I don't even know if this blog really made sense but that's OK because at least I wrote it. And it only really has to make sense to me. If it makes sense to you that's just a bonus.
Still hoping for snow. Hopefully Santa doesn't get lost if we have no snow for Christmas. Word of advice: Don't leave your Christmas shopping to the last minute; just because there's no snow doesn't mean there will be no Christmas.
